April 13 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 4 "Inventory" | Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "the false comfort of self-pity" it took me a while to understand what self-pity meant. Old ideas and thinking, "what have I done to deserve this!" "Why me?" "I work as hard as they do and yet they have more." "Why can't I take the edge off with a drink, it's not fair!"
Just because I work harder, do more than them, have the right qualifications, have all the experience in the world… Why didn't you pick me, I want you and I need you and I want you! I can forget so easily that what might suit me in all respects does not suit you at all no matter how good a candidate I might be as a worker, a partner or anything else. As I have choices today, you have choices today too and we are equal to saying yes and to saying no as we choose and feel right in the moment of now…
It is easy to create rejections and easy to create resentments in ourselves and other people. The spotcheck inventory helps me every day to take a helicopter view not only of my needs and wants, it also helps me to take account of the needs and wants of everyone around me. Step four including my grudge list helped me stop fearing like I deserved anything and even if I worked as hard as I could there would be no guarantee, simply the opportunity to be on the journey and not worry about the destination…
I can recollect feeling horrible about my situation in work and personal relationships. There was always a feeling tomorrow would be a better day and I would work hard and with every ounce of energy to be successful. I didn't know where I was going and I really didn't understand success. I was successful over and over again and failed to see or understand. Like an athlete we can train and work for years to be the best and still fail to enjoy the journey. And when we set a target investing everything in the destination, we are blinkered beyond belief and miss living in the day where we can change and make new decisions and new choices in the moment of now…
Step four, highlighting my fears, pretending to be okay with everything and the prideful ego making me cover up my failings. Covering up meant more often than not, I could not develop courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and the confidence to move ahead, move sideways or simply completely change direction. Step four, part of the journey and freedom to start again, ask the help and be happy and flexible just for today…
Only when I write these words, about step four and spot check inventories and actually do spot check inventories do I get the benefit of seeing the difference in what we call defects, my defects being extremes where fear, pretending and prideful ego keep me in the dark, and what we call shortcomings where I lack the courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing with help if needed and the confidence to keep on trying new ways and learn from my mistakes.
DonInLondon 2005-2011
"AA Spiritual Twelve Pack": Acceptance, Surrender, Faith, Open Mindedness, Honesty, Willingness, Moral Inventory, Amends, Humility, Persistence, Spiritual Growth & Service.. All about progress and good for today. To be included, make choices and live in harmony as life situations offer in the moment of now...
As we develop our: faith, courage and confidence, we let go; fear, brave facing and ego. Less doubt, less self pity ~ Maya Angelou "Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable" -/- Acceptance of today and choices as they may be...
-/-
AA Daily Reflection: THE FALSE COMFORT OF SELF-PITY... Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 238
The false comfort of self-pity screens me from reality only momentarily and then demands, like a drug, that I take an ever bigger dose. If I succumb to this it could lead to a relapse into drinking. What can I do? One certain antidote is to turn my attention, however slightly at first, toward others who are genuinely less fortunate than I, preferably other alcoholics. In the same degree that I actively demonstrate my empathy with them, I will lessen my own exaggerated suffering.
-/-
As Bill Sees It ~ Blind Trust..? "Most surely, there can be no trust where there is no love, nor can be real love where distrust holds malign sway. "But does trust require that we be blind to other people's motives or, indeed, to our own? Not at all; this would be folly. Most certainly, we should assess the capacity for harm as well as the capability for good in every person that we would trust. Such a private inventory can reveal the degree of confidence we should extend in any given situation.
"However, this inventory needs to be taken in a spirit of understanding and love. Nothing can so much bias our judgment as the negative emotions of suspicion, jealousy, or anger. "Having vested our confidence in another person, we ought to let him know of our full support. Because of this, more often than not he will respond magnificently, and far beyond our first expectations." LETTER, 1966
-/-
Step 4 "Fearless Inventory" Reading Video Link:
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"
-/-
Just because I work harder, do more than them, have the right qualifications, have all the experience in the world… Why didn't you pick me, I want you and I need you and I want you! I can forget so easily that what might suit me in all respects does not suit you at all no matter how good a candidate I might be as a worker, a partner or anything else. As I have choices today, you have choices today too and we are equal to saying yes and to saying no as we choose and feel right in the moment of now…
It is easy to create rejections and easy to create resentments in ourselves and other people. The spotcheck inventory helps me every day to take a helicopter view not only of my needs and wants, it also helps me to take account of the needs and wants of everyone around me. Step four including my grudge list helped me stop fearing like I deserved anything and even if I worked as hard as I could there would be no guarantee, simply the opportunity to be on the journey and not worry about the destination…
I can recollect feeling horrible about my situation in work and personal relationships. There was always a feeling tomorrow would be a better day and I would work hard and with every ounce of energy to be successful. I didn't know where I was going and I really didn't understand success. I was successful over and over again and failed to see or understand. Like an athlete we can train and work for years to be the best and still fail to enjoy the journey. And when we set a target investing everything in the destination, we are blinkered beyond belief and miss living in the day where we can change and make new decisions and new choices in the moment of now…
Step four, highlighting my fears, pretending to be okay with everything and the prideful ego making me cover up my failings. Covering up meant more often than not, I could not develop courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and the confidence to move ahead, move sideways or simply completely change direction. Step four, part of the journey and freedom to start again, ask the help and be happy and flexible just for today…
Only when I write these words, about step four and spot check inventories and actually do spot check inventories do I get the benefit of seeing the difference in what we call defects, my defects being extremes where fear, pretending and prideful ego keep me in the dark, and what we call shortcomings where I lack the courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing with help if needed and the confidence to keep on trying new ways and learn from my mistakes.
DonInLondon 2005-2011
"AA Spiritual Twelve Pack": Acceptance, Surrender, Faith, Open Mindedness, Honesty, Willingness, Moral Inventory, Amends, Humility, Persistence, Spiritual Growth & Service.. All about progress and good for today. To be included, make choices and live in harmony as life situations offer in the moment of now...
As we develop our: faith, courage and confidence, we let go; fear, brave facing and ego. Less doubt, less self pity ~ Maya Angelou "Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable" -/- Acceptance of today and choices as they may be...
-/-
AA Daily Reflection: THE FALSE COMFORT OF SELF-PITY... Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 238
The false comfort of self-pity screens me from reality only momentarily and then demands, like a drug, that I take an ever bigger dose. If I succumb to this it could lead to a relapse into drinking. What can I do? One certain antidote is to turn my attention, however slightly at first, toward others who are genuinely less fortunate than I, preferably other alcoholics. In the same degree that I actively demonstrate my empathy with them, I will lessen my own exaggerated suffering.
-/-
As Bill Sees It ~ Blind Trust..? "Most surely, there can be no trust where there is no love, nor can be real love where distrust holds malign sway. "But does trust require that we be blind to other people's motives or, indeed, to our own? Not at all; this would be folly. Most certainly, we should assess the capacity for harm as well as the capability for good in every person that we would trust. Such a private inventory can reveal the degree of confidence we should extend in any given situation.
"However, this inventory needs to be taken in a spirit of understanding and love. Nothing can so much bias our judgment as the negative emotions of suspicion, jealousy, or anger. "Having vested our confidence in another person, we ought to let him know of our full support. Because of this, more often than not he will respond magnificently, and far beyond our first expectations." LETTER, 1966
-/-
Step 4 "Fearless Inventory" Reading Video Link:
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"
-/-
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