Alcoholics Anonymous | February 12 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" |"A brave face, a stiff upper lip and fear can make a person suffer paranoia and then we take the edge off..." And why not take the edge off? Always having to put on an act in public and feel like we are in the spotlight, makes a person “two faced.” The public face of being okay. And the private face, the inner world afraid to share the truth. The dilemma: a desire to be open, honest and willing with the world. And yet the world we feel, is making us closed down, dishonest and unwilling to share the truth of who we are to the point where we just don't know who we are any more…
Video For Today:
How on earth can we get help when we are driven mad trying to look right in front of other people? Have you ever felt when he went to see your doctor, before you get to the consultation that you feel okay and don't need to go into see him or her? Denial starts all over the place, I don't feel well, and yet I need to suck it up and not show weakness. On the other hand, going to see a medical practitioner with a minor ailment and then breaking down in the consultation and sharing just how fed up and depressed you are? How deep must the malady get before we confront the issue and ask for help? Usually in my case it would have to be knocking on Heaven's door before I would see a doctor. These days I'm not so bad about this phase of denial. I still have it, denial that is. And it takes quite a while for me to emerge and tell the truth when things are tough and difficult…
Step two, came to believe that a power greater than us could restore us to sanity, it still remains one day at a time. Denial is part of a killer malady, pretending to be okay when we are not. And holding on to old ideas, about recovery can be as corrosive as the old behaviour from the past. Even in meetings of the fellowship, it can be very difficult to share the absolute truth of our situation, because we want to demonstrate just how sober we are to our fellowship friends, which is why I always emphasise that recovery is for one day and tomorrow I don't know whether life is going to be a good, bad or ugly experience which can throw me off balance. And often I say to myself, I just feel good enough for one day. And it is hard to admit sometimes that we are not okay, because we just don't want to burden the rest of the world, because the world will not understand. And these can be ugly parts to our recovery, doing the same thing over and over again, because it is too painful to admit the truth of life feels wrong and we feel wrong footed…
Step two, and being restored to sanity on a daily basis is contingent on me asking for help. Asking through prayer, meditation and some simple routines, "how am I feeling, why, and what can I do about it." Am I making sure my basic needs are covered? By the time I've got to this part of my daily morning reflection, I've only been awake for a few seconds! And hopefully before my denial kicks in and tells me I'm not that important to even look at my own feelings this morning. Everything out there is more important than me? Somehow, gentle daily reflections and asking myself and the powers greater than me to try keep me sane today is a really good start. Meditating, with how am I feeling? I might feel good, I might feel bad, I might feel life is ugly, at least if I know my mood, I know how my thinking may go. And the actions I may take will reflect my mood completely… Restoration of sanity is a daily endeavour, not only for those in recovery, it is a universal need in a mad world…
European meat eaters may be feeling somewhat alarmed, and I reckon Schreck might feel the same way. Someone has been supplying horses and donkey meat as beef. And what's going to happen now, when consumers are used to eating this new recipe of horse meat and donkey meat and then they get beef back in their food? I wonder if stock cube manufacturers will be able to come up with horse stock and donkey stock cubes so people don't feel they are missing the vital ingredients they have been enjoying for some time. Putting profit first, morality far behind, it is distasteful, especially if you are horse or donkey, cows just ruminate about it. And what about Barclays bank? Moving away and closing down its tax avoidance departments which provided huge profits at the expense of the ordinary people having to eat horse and donkey? And Bob Diamond, with £120 million in the bank as is suggested last night on TV, I wonder if he is enjoying his beef today… And what about politicians, with their snouts deep in the trough and the gravy train covering up whatever it is they consume at our expense today?
And why is it that we can watch a documentary about the life of penguins, including their love life and find it so emotional, we cry? And why is it that we can listen to the news, about nuclear bomb experiments, mass killings all over the world and skate over the impact on people? Some things are too big to relate to, we rationalise the deaths of millions yearly and can only relate to the life of penguins one day at a time… Traumatic stress disorder and inhumanity pervade. Human life, devalued day after day…
An expectation of fairness, and an expectation that people will do the right thing in powerful positions are resentments under construction. The assumption of fairness and equality is primed to cause resentment when those in power keep on taking more out than they put into the system. The global system relies on the poor remaining poor and the sick remaining sick and the powerful remaining powerful. And I know I am powerless over all that, at the same time I can see it. Leaders ought not reward themselves to greater degrees than they would take away from others. The notion that one organisation relies so heavily on one person that they deserve lavish treatment is a throwback and enchantment they would have you believe is true. Bob Diamond and his casino culture, at the expense of shareholders and banking customers, and then a new safe pair of hands at the head. They may not accept their bonus for a year or two, but they maintain they are worth it, because they say they are worth it. If you believe what they say, then, that is insanity. Because behind the man or woman at the head is an organisation of greed beyond measure and an addiction to ego and pleasure beyond most people's wildest dreams. It just makes most people wild and reactionary today…
The reason for mentioning one or two of these issues in the public eye, is that in the past, I would drink on these things because they made me feel resentful in two ways. First, it was simply unfair in my own opinion that these people were in a position to exploit nations. And second, as time went by in my careers, I felt the corruption and greed getting to me as well. Ethically, my values have always been about fairness, openness, honesty and willingness. And corporate life degraded these values one day at a time... I was not cut out for corporate life, I became competent in areas which I could do well in. Just because we are good at doing something, it does not mean we ought to be doing it. Drink helped me fix my feelings and disappointments, undermined my personal values and made my expectations of reward grow ever more greedy as time went by. It was not ego to control others, it was ego in a wholly undermining way only valuing myself by the amount of money I could earn. I had lost the ability to love, be loved back and pursue useful endeavours with common good at their foundation day by day….Restored to sanity? Contingent on me, understanding where I have come from and what I can and cannot do today and every day, learning the wisdom to know the difference…
Common ground in fellowship helps me keep grounded one day at a time. Needs met, wants dissipate when I keep to my personal values of being fair, open, honest and willing. I may see the dangers around me and be able to accept that I am powerless in many respects over just about everything apart from my personal choices today. And it is in the personal choices today where I develop courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and confidence its okay to be me, doing what I can just one day at a time. It does not stop me from commenting or observing the inequality of life, that the poor are poor at the expense of the rich who hold far more wealth than they could ever create on their own. No wonder life and the world can drive us mad and insane. One day at a time…
Restored to sanity contingent on the day I ask for help. And the first part of this conundrum starts with me, asking myself how do I feel, why, and what can I do? And once I understand what my emotional and spiritual state is in the moment of now, whether it's good, bad or ugly or a bit of all of them, I have a starting point. And whatever is on my mind, whether it is to do with me personally, or how the world works, or just how unfair the world is depending on my point of view, the serenity prayer, gives me perspective today: the can do and cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference is the basis of next right actions either personally, and locally or expressing a view globally. And whether it is to God or simply said, in good conscience, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference," I see, I can change my personal conduct, not the conduct of other people. I can comment on the conduct of others, and yet it is not about me, controlling them, it is about them being aware of their impact on me today... Most often, as with all positions of power, they lose their common touch and common understanding of what is going on in this mad, mad world of today…
Alcoholics Anonymous | February 12 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" |
Today's AA daily reflection: "the root of our troubles" selfishness and self-centredness! When do we realise that we have been selfish and self-centred? Most likely a question to be asked, every day in our personal conduct. When it comes to recognising selfish and self-centred in relation to our addiction, it is almost impossible to see with any clarity. From ignorance of our condition, to denial and then to admit and accept takes time when it comes to changing our outlook day by day…
Video For Today:
I was just watching a TV programme all about rules, laws and regulations which apply in different forms of religion. Our Fellowship, Alcoholics Anonymous is not a religious organisation, but many fellows in our society do hold religious views. I'm grateful for the early founders of our Fellowship who suggested there are no rules, laws or regulations which exclude anyone anywhere reaching out the help. There are suggestions about how we conduct ourselves in Fellowship and it always remains a personal decision about what we can do and cannot do today…
The twelve steps and the twelve traditions. Steps for personal development, open honest and willing to change. Traditions for unity service and recovery. The steps to stop us committing suicide, the traditions to stop us committing homicide. All about tolerance and love for other people and compassion as we learn together sharing experience strength and hope. This is why Fellowship works for me, not selfish and not self-centred as people when it comes to sharing a message on learning how to live life again and again and again…
I do realise over the years that bravado covered up my shortcomings. My shortcomings, not understanding the nature of faith (simple faith rather than religious faith), courage and confidence to meet real-life, that is life on life's terms and not some fiction I had thought up. Today I do have courage, faith and confidence based on what I know and the ability to keep on learning how life may be today. I can be a part of society and included contingent on my understanding that life is changing and I can be part of reality today…
"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"
DonInLondon 2005-2011
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of all our troubles
Two meetings in a day: First meeting: "Just for today" this morning, we were packed in like sardines! Newcomers to old timers, sober today. People sharing what is happening now, the themes were all about what was disturbing us in the moment, good things and bad things and as always acceptance seemed to be the key. It is the key if we can find it!
And Second meeting: Tonight was "courage to change." We can and do change every day. Experience is our teacher, not just our own, but the experience everyone shares. Practice makes progress and perfection is not our goal. Our goal is understanding what we can do and what we cannot do and simply learning the difference...
AA Daily: THE ROOT OF OUR TROUBLES ~ FEBRUARY 12, Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of all our troubles. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62
How amazing the revelation that the world, and everyone in it, can get along just fine with or without me. What a relief to know that people, places and things will be perfectly okay without my control and direction. And how wordlessly wonderful to come to believe that a power greater than me exists separate and apart from myself. I believe that the feeling of separation I experience between me and God will one day vanish. In the meantime, faith must serve as the pathway to the centre of my life.
-/-
Just For Today, and every day cherish always...
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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm
AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359
January 2013 | Step One Reading Video Link:
January 2013 | Video Reading How It Works:
January 2013 | Video Reading A Vision For You:
January 2013 | Playlist About Step One:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD1355CD80542DBFC
don@doninlondon.com |
"music for airports" By Brian Eno | http://www.enoshop.co.uk/ |
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