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Alcoholics Anonymous | February 2 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" | "putting human back into being..." I was always trying to be with the right people, in the right places, with the right things and doing the right things, "chasing my wildest dreams, and wondering if I would ever get there." With only work and alcohol as my best friend, at the top of the profession and top of my game, disappointment and depression crashed in on what I thought might be success. I stopped drinking alcohol for a year and no amount of success, no amount of money made the difference, life was horrible and I lost the plot and everything connected to the material world…

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Putting Human Into Being

In fellowship, step two, learning about emotional and spiritual insanity, and how to be restored to emotional and spiritual sanity is quite obvious. The higher power of emotional and spiritual knowledge, experience, strength and hope within fellowship helps me realise I had tried over and over again to fix my life by trying to control everything in it and failed to see I was repeating the same behaviour all the time. And always getting the same result: failure and insanity. And step two, if it could be a starting point of enlightenment, to change the way I live my life one day at a time. Starting with not drinking and being sober just for a day: and then working out what the heck emotional and spiritual means to me in my life. In early days, I found it hard to accept that all I could change would be happening in the day ahead. A change from old life, living, to new life living: letting go the expectations in the old life, and starting to understand how to live in the moment, with emotional and spiritual freedom of choice based on reality. Life on life's terms, living reality is quite different to living to a dream of the future which does not exist...

Emotional and spiritual insanity: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." Emotional and spiritual sanity: "doing new things, finding out what I can do and what I cannot do on a daily basis." Somebody was sharing the other day about a man who is eighty-three years old, and each year, they had done the same thing over and over again. Which meant the same life had been led each year for eighty-three years. And another man also eighty-three, had lived eighty-three years and every year, life had been different, and had gone in many directions. Each life could be fulfilling, depending on your point of view, I feel I prefer the life which continues to grow and develop emotionally and spiritually and be different for as many days as I may draw breath…

Emotional life, where feelings work in the moment of now happens naturally for many people. And yet, emotional life is something that is often stunted by the way life is working, society seems to be ruled by the material world. The quality of our emotional experience is often driven by finance and romance. Deep down in every human is the capacity to love, be loved back and find useful endeavour. The balance and quality of life will always be the issue, when we look into the deep of what matters to a human being. So when I suggest putting human back into being, the fellowship has opened me up to explore my human qualities, my emotional qualities and how to live in the moment of now. In other words, learning who I am one day at a time, how to feel right and experience my feelings as they are right now, rather than be confused, and out of shape and stuck in history, and wishing for the fantasy in the future…

How do we get to feel right sized emotionally and spiritually in the moment of now? By the time I got to fellowship, I was a very disillusioned individual. For a great deal of my life, I had been focused on success, and when the success came, I looked for the next successful endeavour. The more success in the material world, the more successful I would feel, that was the way I ruled life, thinking I would be okay when I got there, and when I thought I got to that elusive place, it was still empty and desolate. Emotionally, I had suppressed a great deal of feelings and hidden them, hoping they would go away eventually. And they were only quelled and kept at bay by Self-medicating and self-harm and ignoring the deep need for love and affection. I really didn't know or understand how to love, how to be loved back without conditions which seemed to be driven by ambition and expectations that it would be okay on the day when I got there… In the old life, I never got there. In the new life. I am always there, emotionally and spiritually, well most days I am… Progress, not perfection…

We all need an amount of love, and we need to love, in order to understand what love is. And in our youth, we are often misguided by desire and all the excesses which fuel addictions, either to substance or behaviour, or people, places and things. Many from cradle to grave will miss the emotional and spiritual experience of living, always driven, and never in the moment of now. Understanding where I am in my life today, how to love people and how to be loved back by people, and find usefulness in the endeavours I can choose today, and can bring peacefulness and serenity in life. Being worthwhile is not about what I do, or can do, it is an acceptance of what life is today and the possibilities which are open to me as life continues. I'm not certain about tomorrow or the future. And there is no fear because right now, life is working as best it can, and right now is the best I can be and that is good enough just for today…

How we live, will impact on generations to come. And the choices we make our best made free of fear, hiding away imperfections, and ego trying to control and dominate our world. Letting go ego and finding humility to learn life on a daily basis means the doors are more likely to open. As one way of life is closed, a new way of life is open, and the transition is easier one day at a time. The first six steps or first six principles in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous are about letting go the old life and starting a new life. So what is the most difficult step we can face? Probably step one is the most difficult step, admitting and accepting powerlessness over alcohol, certain behaviour around people, places and things, and willing to try to live a new way. Just for one day at a time…

There is a new fashion in politics or a new political ideology, which is called "step change." This ideology suggests that big changes require the breakdown of many organisations in the public sector in order to reform them. Breaking up of organisations is the first stage. In step change, the notion is to break old patterns and ways of working by dismantling structures ruthlessly. This ruthless destruction is seen as necessary, to re-form and reorganise organisations in a different way. This is not about incremental change, it is a revolutionary change, "step change." People working in these organisations, that is the people who are left working in these dismantled and fragmented pieces, find themselves in unfathomable waters. The old way of life is over, and this is your new life. But the problem with the new life, is that the rules are yet to be set, confusion abounds, and then there is fear, brave facing and a struggle for control. Step change of this nature, causes organisational psychosis and psychotic behaviour. As people bounce from the old way of life, trying to hang on to remnants which don't work, and trying to live to the new life in the organisation or fragmented pieces that are left. The old way stops working, the new way confusing and often not working because the structure is not sound. This is not news in many industries over the world, many business schools have seen large organisation changes fracture not only the organisations, they fracture the people in them too… And yet these tools of step change destruction continue to be flavour of the month with political ideology, now outdated in the material business world… Or is it outdated? I cannot to judge or I return to the insanity of old living…

Why do I mention step change and politics, and why am I reflecting on this issue of step change this morning? Well, it is obvious to me that something has rattled my cage. It has actually, the something I was reminded of from the past and how to develop people and organisations. More importantly, and this is for me as an individual, I have twelve living principles, the twelve steps developed by alcoholics years ago. Which help me live with free choices today. This freedom is not an illusion, and the freedom comes incrementally through time and experience. Knowledge is useless, unless we have experience, which develops living principles. The twelve steps of AA is revolutionary in giving people back their freedom. And that freedom is learned through experience. And that freedom and hope is shared within the fellowship around sobriety and then how we live day-to-day. We develop an emotional and spiritual experience of life which works in the moment of now, and the step change we make is to live life on life's terms in the moment of now. It will not stop political and ideological leaders, smashing things to bits, the twelve principles will help us cope with the outcomes on a personal level. So whether we have success, materially and economically or no success, materially and economically, we are fit emotionally and spiritually as each day unfolds. We learn the can do today, the cannot do today and the wisdom to know the difference, so peace and serenity can be restored, just like sanity in any moment of now…

Emotional and spiritual sanity in the moment of now! Knowing my feelings: good, bad or ugly and how they impact on my thinking today. If I know my mood, whether it be, good, bad or ugly, I know where my thinking is going and the likely actions to follow. Bad and ugly moods form when we are sober, because we feel wrong footed in the present moment. When we know what our mood is, and remind ourselves to ask if something feels right or wrong, to ourselves and people around us, the direction of our thinking is likely to change to the positive and not the negative. Positive feelings lead to positive thinking and then positive action. The old way of life was littered with negative feelings, suppressed feelings and oblivion. And as a result, thinking in the old life was not very good and missed the point, and the actions were formed and taken and the old life prevailed. New living! Dealing with the history, the mountain of emotional dysfunction takes time. As we dismantle and level and understand the old life in recovery, the new life is experienced moment to moment, we feel life as it is, and face reality today… And if we slip backwards, we are aware sooner rather than later and take steps into the positive new life as we can today…

February 2 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 | 2012 | Today's AA daily reflection: "rescued by surrendering" was very difficult for me, to be rescued from myself. All my life taught to be strong and independent in thinking and action. Standing on my own two feet with a "stiff upper lip" and "a brave face" I would face anything and everything. The idea of being vulnerable and unable to sort myself out meant I isolated and drank because I could not stop. Saved by a simple understanding, "I cannot do this on my own" opened the door to me asking for help from anyone, anywhere and at any time…

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2009 -2012

Insanity is often described as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. That was me for a long time, doing my utmost to be in control and resolve any issue or problem I faced in life. And all the problems piled up, and my will to live and left me. Emotionally broken and unable to cope with life at all I had reached "the jumping off point" where many people simply fade away or worse not only ending their own existence, harming many others in the process. From step one, powerless and unmanageable to step two, driven mad on my own, I'm thankful I could ask for help and see strength in vulnerability…

The idea of being restored to sanity by a higher power was something I wondered about for a long time. All I needed to do in the end was accept that I have no clue how to do many things, and especially I did not know how to deal with addiction in me. The whole idea of admission and acceptance is key one day at a time, and I am grateful that step two is now a daily reminder, asking for help at any time is the greatest strength we have…

Not knowing the answers is good news for me today. Accepting that I don't know, and it's perfectly okay to be a learner in life whatever our age, removes the pressure and insanity of trying to be right, "be in the know" that anything. And all I need do is ask the help, research and find out. Ignorance is not bliss. But not knowing and saying so is perfectly acceptable and finding out is the solution…

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

DonInLondon 2005-2011

Arthur Gordon "Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apathy fails to distinguish between what can and what cannot be helped; acceptance makes that distinction. Apathy paralyzes the will-to-action; acceptance frees it by relieving it of impossible burdens."

Courage to be ourselves ~ "That quality of mind which enables one to encounter danger and difficulties with firmness, aware of our fear, resolve of heart; valour; boldness; resolution; fortitude." Progress not Perfection..

Fear of anything we may imagine is often greater than fear in reality, leaning on fellowship, we develop courage as we learn and share our truth ~ Maya Angelou "History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again."

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Fear is part of living..

Courage to change sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, with help from our friends ~ John Wooden "Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts." Live in destiny, destiny and choice is here right now!

Mark Twain "It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."

Faith in action we change our attitudes and behaviour ~ C. S. Lewis "Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point."

AA Daily: RESCUED BY SURRENDERING ~ FEBRUARY 2, Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity…. Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God. He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p.311

The great mystery is: “Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the ‘independence’ of our ego, while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?” Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued.

-/-

Just For Today, and every day cherish always...

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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359

January 2013 | Step One Reading Video Link: