August 14, 2013: "another birth birthday above ground…" Yes another birthday. Ten years ago, that birth birthday is beyond recollection. Most likely in blackout, hiding away in a dark dingy basement flat, phones off, I might have thrown my computer away at that stage and most of my possessions I had turfed out onto the pavement. I just kept throwing things out, I guess I wanted to make my life so small that nobody would notice if I weren't here anymore. It is good to be minimalist; it is not so good to be extinct.
Countless weeks of blackout back in the day: pretending to the world that I was something and all around me was nothing. Pride, ego and fear were rampant and kept me pretending that I was something and yet anyone with an ounce of sense knew the game was up, except me of course. And it would be a few months before I realised that I needed help. Everybody else knew I needed help, but giving up my best friend, one in the bottle, the can, the flagon, whatever it came in, alcohol held me in its sway. The last vestige of me as I was, was disappearing. A lifetime of knowledge and experience, and a human being about to be lost and snuffed out. And yet every day at some point I kept waking up.
How am I feeling this morning? Am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired? None of these things. I do have odd sleeping patterns, and I did wake up at silly o'clock this morning having had a good sleep. I decided to put the washing machine on, and it is making some strange noises, so bugger that. And I am smiling about it, pondering upon the washing machine and its demise and laughing because I'm still here to ponder about it. There is a blue sky this morning and hardly a cloud to be seen. There is a dark weather forecast, and no darkness in me. No clue right now about what to do.
I have noticed changes in how all the social networks are beginning to shut their doors to each other and that competition is making it more difficult to be free to share and be with those we choose. We seem to be getting into a state of false choices, based on economics and how social networks are becoming covetous of their databases. And the notion that once we have written something and that it is out there forever, that is being diminished and cut back. Hardly surprising, the free flow of information was bound to be cut back to achieve competitive advantage at the expense of those who frequent and utilise the Internet. It is disappointing, and it means I will be researching ways and means of keeping open the freedom of choice.
Like all businesses, when something goes public and becomes owned by shareholders, the pursuit of profit will always outweigh and undermine freedom. An irony of capitalism as it is run today; capitalism is diminishing freedom of the individual which has been enjoyed for nearly two decades for two reasons. First came the fear of consumers who did not understand the freedom and choice the Internet produced. And then, those building the Internet as a freedom to exchange information and share information were usurped by commercial enterprises who want to fasten and secure consumers within their own net. Strange but true, commercial enterprise is strangling itself and undermining its profit potential. There will be another Internet revolution and the breakup of monopoly.
In the UK we have social policies which are driving large numbers of people who are economically challenged out of big cities. And lack of social housing and now as a consequence of a reduction in social benefits, many people are being forced into the private market of renting. There is of course an economic reason for this, to stop the housing market from collapsing completely, driving families out of social housing and expensive private rental markets, increases the demand for cheaper private rentals. As people are driven into private rented accommodation which is substandard, this impacts directly on those who buy to let, thus ensuring an income, and fastening poor families into the private market. The supply of potential tenants for private rented accommodation will bolster a hitherto broken housing market, and encourage privatisation and exploitation in quite an underhand way. An ideological policy, harmful in the extreme, uprooting and scattering people. And the rise of slum landlords. These were some of the reasons which made me very unhappy in the past and my powerlessness and my vision were good reasons to drink. The devastation of drink and drugs and powerlessness and then a government committed to social cleansing, I can see why many people remain disturbed by the futility they live.
Although many people welcomed the Conservative leader Margaret Thatcher into power, I can remember the feeling of desolation and the desire to drink heavily at the time. The advocates of capitalism without conscience and without philanthropy. And ever since, the system of social and economic growth was undermined by greed. I feel entitled to share my views on this birthday, a birth birthday above ground. And my views might be quite popular in this world as it now runs headlong into another revolution and another change. Very often we can be proud of something that is made in Britain, the current ideology however which has been made in Britain, sends a chill down my spine.
Apart from that, one day at a time I can do some good things. I can be about and be supportive of those I love, family and friends, people I meet who would like to get their lives back and find a new way to live. Freedom to be oneself, freedom to make choices, not because somebody tells you what to do, simply the freedom to make some good choices for oneself is the key to good living. If I have an ology I would give it up immediately and suggest that truth, love and wisdom learned as we go along is probably the best way to make our way in life. Once we realise that human well-being, each individual has a right to be here, a right to learn life as best they can, without an ideology and their brains fully engaged in whatever endeavour is good, there will be more happiness, peace and serenity.
Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,
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