Wednesday 30 October 2013

Speaking For Myself October 30 2013

Dear Tom,

It is been a long time since anyone anywhere wrote to me expressing their concern about any of my recovery activities outside of AA. As you know I do not represent AA, I only speak for myself as requested by other people over the years. I belong to many Fellowship groups online who are not anonymous in any shape or form, unless they choose to be. The ultimate freedom: to learn the truth of now. That is the purpose of the twelve steps and twelve traditions. I understand we all have different belief systems and ways of living. Truth is my spiritual guide in all matters. Truth and transparency has served me well in recovery and I would be undermining the truth of my recovery and sharing it in the way I do if I had no face and no voice. The truth of recovery is sober today. And the concern created by Anonymity being a spiritual foundation is about ego, pride and fear that AA might fail. Actually I am quite capable of failing myself and if I did fail and not keep sober I would have to write about it and share the truth. And the truth of my recovery was very rocky to start with and I was encouraged and made more confident when people told the truth about their relapse and human qualities. I don't represent AA ever and if you have watched my videos, you would know this.

 

If you really understand emotional and spiritual living, and respect the outlook each person has, you know one voice is never enough, and it is the many equal voices in the Fellowship which keeps us sober. I don't expect nor do I need to call on the support of anyone reluctant to share their truth in the way I do. I continue to write and share about recovery because it works one day at a time. I never have represented the views of other people in a way which exposes their anonymity, and I wish to maintain anyone else's anonymity because it is not for me to undermine anyone else in their recovery, indeed I do not feel I have the right to interfere in what other people do outside Fellowship to help others.

 

Anonymity of other people who choose to keep their affiliation to Fellowship secret is absolutely right and need not be interfered with. You did suggest you are representing the London region in your letter to me. And the problem with this is that you are gossiping and representing other people who remain anonymous in meetings which I go to. This could put me in a very awkward position of being suspicious about other people who may be against something I do, treat me with contempt by their silence and use you as their representative. When it comes to personal beliefs and the way people choose to live their lives, I really do keep out of their way and never judge them for their decisions and their choices.

 

I have never had any financial gain as a result of recovery activities and have turned down the opportunity to talk on behalf of AA many times because there are no spokespeople for the Fellowship. I have simply shared how recovery works one day at a time for one person. I do thank you for writing to me, because you felt it was important for you to do so. Breaking anonymity or violating something, these are big issues if I were breaking or violating something. Tradition one: freedom to be myself, and we don't tell each other what to do. Very much like the first article of the human rights declaration in the last century. Fellowship affords the freedom to choose life and be free. And ultimately if anyone anywhere tries to control another person in Fellowship, it offers nothing but prejudice and judgement to those involved.

 

Courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and gaining confidence is the ultimate goal on a daily basis for anyone anywhere in the world to live free and make the best choices they can in life. I have gratitude for each and every day in recovery. I have many, many people to thank for every day I live sober. Pretending to be something else, to hide my face, pretending anything is not good for my spiritual journey in life. My life is far from perfect; I have many flaws and defects caused by alcoholism and my upbringing. I share experience strength and hope on a daily basis in quite a number of forums to illustrate that life can be good some of the time bad some of the time and downright ugly some of the time.

 

What I fear most and did fear most in early recovery were the people who never had a bad day, would express what they thought the Fellowship ought to say to people and often not what was going on in their daily life. When people offer up a sanitised version of experience strength and hope and do not talk or share about the pain of life as well as the joy of life that is where people in Fellowship fail each other. There is nothing wrong with the truth of now, be it good bad or ugly. There is a lot wrong when we misrepresent other people, we misrepresent ourselves as individuals and misrepresent the truth. In my world or my belief system: God is truth; God is love and God is wisdom. Truth develops moment to moment, love develops moment to moment and wisdom develops moment to moment. Coping in the reality of now with the help of the twelve steps and twelve traditions and the way I understand it works one day at a time. Truth is my spiritual touchstone, not anonymity. Fellowship is for sober, and Fellowship is about respecting the confidence and sanctuary it offers each human being one day at a time.

 

Thank you very much for sharing the views of the London region with me,

 

Donald

 

Dear Don,

 

I’m writing to you because concern has been expressed regarding a break in your anonymity at the public level, i.e. YouTube. This email is meant as a gentle and loving reminder of our Traditions.

 

Alcoholics Anonymous’ Eleventh Tradition states “We need always maintain personal

Anonymity at the level of press, radio and films” remembering the AA programme is a programme of attraction rather than promotion.

 

Our Twelfth Tradition reminds us that anonymity is our spiritual foundation and to place principles before personalities.

 

The use of anonymity is extremely important to the newcomer to AA and to us for our spiritual growth within the programme. The newcomer must be reassured that their name will not be used outside the doors of an AA meeting and no one will know they are an AA member unless the newcomer chooses to tell them.

 

If a newcomer, or a potential newcomer, hears or sees an anonymity break, with a member of AA using their full name or allowing their picture to be seen, this could frighten them away from the help they need, causing many more years of pain and suffering.

 

I’m sending this letter in the spirit of AA love, and best wishes to you for continuing joys of sobriety.

 

Sincerelyn,

Tom B.

London Region,,

 

October 29, 2013 Step Ten Month: "continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." The weather! Expectations of a hurricane, and hurricane winds happened, not in my backyard fortunately. Yes I had high expectations of wind and it only blew a little bit where I was in London. I stayed awake to enjoy the bluster and nothing happened of any great importance where I was, elsewhere it was chaos.

 

I had a phone call which interrupted my thoughts as I started to write for today. The phone call was all about trying to help another person who is stricken and does not have long to live. I guess the reality of this stopped me from writing whatever it was that was on my mind. Indeed it was all about step ten. But I lost track and also needed to call family living quite a long way from me. Two of my sponsors, my older sister and my mother are really positive influences and live the truth one day at a time.

 

Even though my sister and mother are very accomplished individuals, full of wisdom and love, they too face the realities of life, that life is precious and fragile the older we get and sometimes days can be downright difficult, bad and ugly. The longer we live, the more we have to share about the truth of living which includes the grief and loss, the heartbreak, loneliness and desolation.

 

In between the call to my family and the earlier call from a friend, I opened up an email which lavished love upon me and then told me to stop doing something which I feel is truly important, sharing the truth of now as it is. When we are in meetings of Fellowship, we share experience strength and hope to a group of people. When we use multimedia to share our experience strength and hope, the irony is that we are still sharing one-to-one with people interested and with a desire to stop drinking and keep sober one day at a time.

 

I wrote a reply to the loving individual representing the London region of the Fellowship of alcoholics anonymous, and I have not sent it yet, because I really needed to thrash out my own understanding of helping other alcoholics find sobriety. It has been some years since I received an anonymous instruction on how to be in recovery, how to conduct my life, and how to follow a doctrine rather than be myself, in other words what you see is what you get, WYSIWYG. I would not suggest a doctrine of anything to anyone and I guess I don't appreciate a doctrine being thrust upon me in a loving way, and so I share the letter:

Dear Don,

I’m writing to you because concern has been expressed regarding a break in your anonymity at the public level, i.e. YouTube. This email is meant as a gentle and loving reminder of our Traditions.

Alcoholics Anonymous’ Eleventh Tradition states “We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films” remembering the AA programme is a programme of attraction rather than promotion.

Our Twelfth Tradition reminds us that anonymity is our spiritual foundation and to place principles before personalities.

The use of anonymity is extremely important to the newcomer to AA and to us for our spiritual growth within the programme. The newcomer must be reassured that their name will not be used outside the doors of an AA meeting and no one will know they are an AA member unless the newcomer chooses to tell them.

If a newcomer, or a potential newcomer, hears or sees an anonymity break, with a member of AA using their full name or allowing their picture to be seen, this could frighten them away from the help they need, causing many more years of pain and suffering.

I’m sending this letter in the spirit of AA love, and best wishes to you for continuing joys of sobriety.

Sincerely,

Tom B.

London Region,

In this letter, Tom reveals that he is speaking on behalf of the London region and their concerns about me and my behaviour. He has every right to deliver his concerns and I appreciate that he and the London region are holding different beliefs and opinions to me. And at the same time Tom is taking on a responsibility which is erroneous and unhelpful to anyone anywhere reaching out for help. I am one voice in many, the many voices and shares of experience strength and hope are what counts. Not a doctrine and not a policy and not some form of intimidation. To represent others was never something that anyone ought to do in the Fellowship. Indeed for a group of people to be represented in such a way undermines everything. Many years of work, many conversations via multimedia invalidated, the notion that one person has a better view than another reveals something much more ugly in those who would control, rather than someone who just talks about and shares the truth of now. I am respectful of other people's views and opinions, even when I don't like them, I prefer they defend them for whatever reason. It does not mean I will agree and conform, indeed I will not or I would have to become something I would find abhorrent, a slave to a doctrine.

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

 

October 30, 2013 step ten month: it's quite early today, just after four in the morning and I've had plenty of sleep in the last twenty-four hours. The news over the last twenty-four hours on a local basis has been good bad and ugly. Any day, we face good bad and ugly situations. And although we might prefer to have a good day, bad things are happening and ugly situations develop.

 

A friend, not a close friend is in a hospice and my closest friend is supporting them to the utmost of their abilities. And in a rush to help and support, helping and supporting someone who is stricken and there is no hope of recovery, is very difficult. First things first, respect the person's wishes and not overstep and make their final days complicated by good intention. As we know the road to hell is paved with good intent. And we have all walked the road to hell.

 

A letter arrived sometime over the last few days and I only opened it yesterday. All about tradition eleven: "our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films." And in a loving way the letter was all about breakage and violation of something. Something which is not often understood, what is the difference between attraction and promotion? And what is personal anonymity all about? And in this modern age of electronic communication, sharing experience strength and hope one-to-one has taken on new dimensions. One alcoholic: reading, listening, watching another alcoholic share their experience strength and hope is a one-to-one experience.

 

Attraction = WYSIWYG: what you see is what you get. In other words sharing the truth of now, sharing the truth of good bad and ugly living with a sober head offers an understanding of reality in recovery.

 

Promotion = an offer of a guarantee, a way to fix ourselves to a way of life which will keep us sober in all conditions. That would not be true when it comes to recovery in my own experience and seeing the experience of others in our Fellowship.

 

Myths and legends grow around people, places and things. Internal discussions and sharing of experience strength and hope within the Fellowship can be very revealing. And the creation of mystical qualities associated with spiritual development and emotional development do not help and do not offer sustained and useful recovery in my own opinion. Promoting the idea is all very well but it does not serve those who wish to tell the truth about recovery one day at a time.

 

The truth about recovery is heard throughout the world on a daily basis within the Fellowship of AA, and outside Fellowship of AA via press radio and films. And there are many multimedia opportunities to gather material about recovery in this modern world. Truth is attractive, reality is attractive and how to cope with reality is the very essence of living in the moment of now. Emotional development in the moment of now means we are able to feel life as it is, and not how we imagine it ought to be. Expectations are resentments under construction. Anonymity on the personal level is an opportunity to find oneself without the world looking in. Anonymity of other people is their business and quite frankly none of my business.

 

How are people attracted to the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous? I would suggest that the truth we share in meetings on a daily basis about how we cope with life is a good starting point for anyone with a desire to stop drinking. If I went out into the world and said AA can keep you sober and the Fellowship of AA will keep you sober, I would be offering a false promise to fix you. I may have been sober for many years, I still know that life could be so overwhelming, I might slip and relapse. I do not fear such an occasion, at the same time one day at a time, sober, I have been able to cope with life on life's terms. This is my message about my recovery and not the Fellowship of AA. And the way I keep sober is to live and practice the twelve steps and live and practice the intention behind the twelve traditions. This does not mean I agree with everything that is suggested in the twelve traditions because the twelve traditions do not fit with my spiritual path of living to truth, which helped me understand how to be loved, how to love and keep on learning the wisdom of life. Anonymity is unhelpful in my spiritual development which relies on truth, the truth I share and the truth I receive.

 

I appreciate that my understanding of spiritual: living to the truth of now, may not be everybody's cup of tea. Living to the truth, I cannot bend other people to the truth I find, nor can I bend others from their truth. Indeed truthfulness is often based on belief and opinion. Step eleven: all about prayer and meditation, developing our spiritual core, understanding our feelings in the moment of now and the truth of those feelings and how they impact on our thinking in every single moment. Tradition eleven: anonymity at the level of anything is the worst proposition for me. Anonymity never served truth very well. Anonymity can be very attractive and manipulated by those who wish to control, enforce or develop a particular doctrine without any responsibility. Anonymity to preserve and help people grow into being themselves again, is quite a useful and meaningful way to keep people safe long enough to find themselves.

 

Live and let live was a poster on the wall in my early meetings when I first came to the Fellowship of AA. Live and let live! I don't interfere with the beliefs of other people in the world directly. I prefer truth of living rather than belief and opinion. Seven billion people on the planet all with their own beliefs and opinions. It is very important that everyone develops their own path in life and hopefully to good conscience with love at their core. And of course many are diverted from the path of good conscience and love for many reasons. As a believer in truth, love and wisdom, I have thrived and learned and benefited by being in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have learned from every individual I encounter in the world. I never suggest or tell people what to do; it interferes with their own spiritual and emotional development. And I hope that while we may debate spiritual and emotional, I respect as you respect each other's beliefs and opinions.

 

I have no desire to interfere with the beliefs of other people. I have no desire to undermine the development and recovery of anyone anywhere; I hope a hand reaches out to help a person find recovery one day at a time. And I have helped over the years, and I also accept that my outlook is not right for everyone, indeed I truly hope that my outlook is not right for anyone, I would rather you had your own outlook which is right for you. Live and let live, be free in your choices today and not stuck in pride, ego or fear about what next in your life. Opportunity to thrive emotionally and spiritually, with courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and confidence to try again is a key. At the same time, life is relentlessly on-going and it can be good bad or ugly. Every human does the best they can in the moment of now. Truth is the ultimate determinant of how we cope with reality, and truth offers humility to anyone anywhere on their path of life.

 

 

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