Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | Feb 18 2004 - 2014 | DonInLondon | Step 2 "Sanity"
DonInLondon February 18, 2014: step two month: "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." "Some people are born great some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them." William Shakespeare. Some people are born mad, some people achieve madness, and some people have madness thrust upon them. Some people started out normal, some people are restored to normal. And some people would like normal to be thrust upon them without doing any of the work to get back to normal.
Being restored to sanity on a daily basis is a possibility if we have the fundamental aptitudes to be sane individuals. And the problem with drink, if we become addicted to it, we are stuck in a madness we don't recognise until we are probably there. And the worst part of alcoholism and addiction is that we feel we ought to be able to stop self-harm and the harm we do to other people through our own endeavours by utilising self will and willpower. I don't know how many people do this restoration to sanity based on just their willpower, but in my case I could not find my way back to sanity without the help of other people. And sometimes the current conditions of the day can thrust madness upon us again, because life is not fair and justice can be very rare in anyone's life.
I do need to remind myself that I am restored to sanity after the madness has been thrust upon me by the current conditions today. And if I do nothing about the current conditions I find myself in, the slide back into anger and resentment and old feelings of "less than" can make my mind hark back to times when either I didn't care what happened to me or the people, had become careless with my own life and have become a hazard to other people who were desperately trying to help me. And we find ourselves in a mixture of learning a new way of life in recovery, where people in Fellowship in the main are supporting each other in endeavours, and outside Fellowship, in this mad world, people places and things conspire in all sorts of ways to put us down, take our money, will not accept the truth when they are wrong and never admit to anything, and generally do the opposite of the principles of Fellowship. Whilst we are trying to be open honest and willing to change, have faith in doing the right thing and try be confident, the world is doing the opposite, because big business, government and many other agencies live in the world of plausible deniability. It does not stop me needing my life to be fairly clear, be open honest and willing, and live to good principles and truth, rather than being in denial of the truth and spitting out lies to defend the indefensible.
All good, being restored to sanity on a daily basis! And I don't see why I should lower my standards of behaviour, but sometimes anger and resentment spill out in the moment of now. And I need to rectify what happens when I get angry. I don't want to deny my anger or resentment about a situation, I need to share and express my anger about the situation. And there are ways to do this because it is healthy to understand why anger and resentment bubble up and come out and make us all feel quite horrible. I still feel angry about one or two matters, of a medical nature and inaccurate information being promulgated. And I still feel angry about the local government officials who spout half-truths and don't actually do much of a job for their customers, namely the general populace. So I need to be careful, ask with consideration and care and be determined. Once I understand I am not the only one being treated poorly, I don't mind having the feelings associated with being let down by others. I have something to work with, but not alone, because alone, I am powerless, and only succeed in producing rhetoric. So, with courage, faith and confidence: I shall attempt to get a few things done with due care and attention.
I decided not to go to my morning meeting, and yesterday I felt quite disoriented and sad. And the reason why mentioned that some people born mad at the beginning of my blog this morning is because some people are born with impediments, find they have impediments as life goes on and there seems no way out of their condition, and some people are genuinely driven into madness and it's very likely that they may never recover. I know it says in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous that some people are unable and just don't have the right ingredients to be sane, even with the help of medical experts, their plight is very, very depressing. And when we meet characters who cannot be restored to sanity, I do feel desperately sorry. How we deal with people who cannot be helped through our Fellowship or any Fellowship still remains an issue for me and many others because it can be quite dangerous. Each case manifests as it will, and very often we are not able, not qualified and not equipped to help those with issues beyond our capacities to assist.
Every day we work and experience life as it is if we are fortunate to be restored to sanity, normality, serenity and peacefulness. Although I have put those words together: sanity, normality serenity and peacefulness, they don't always happen together. Sometimes it is normal to be as mad as hell about a situation, because it is unjust and unfair. And the most important realisation in recovery is to know and experience your feelings in the moment of now. I was watching law and order special victims unit last night and they portrayed the worst type of predator that manifests in recovery: the thirteenth stepper! Although I felt angry about the portrayal of this thirteenth stepper, they seemed to get every single horrible detail right. And as a consequence I was justifiably angry about the type of person portrayed having seen some of these details in fellows over the years. Predators do exist. Unfortunately they appear far more often than I would like. Most of the time, they are seen for what they are. And for that I'm grateful today.
DonInLondon 2004 - 2013
New Video Today: Alcoholics Anonymous | February 18 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" | "truth and reconciliation…" Open to the truth of what happened and where we are today. The twelve steps, principles of living, straightening out how we see ourselves today and dealing with the history of our killer malady. It is been said that "truth" is the first casualty in war. Being restored to sanity and understanding the truth of where addiction took us, it can take us years to be reconciled with what happened and how we are today…
It is never easy to accept the truth we find in our own personal history which highlights where our lives were taken over by a dependency on a substance because of what happened with people and places in the past. Family told me just how difficult I found family life growing up. And even today, I feel disloyal when I share just how difficult life was and the wrong turnings made from an early age, misguided by a father who had an even more difficult childhood than mine. Even though I might have been misguided and influenced into unhelpful endeavours, everyone was doing the best they could with what they had and the experience of life over the years. Truth and reconciliation is about knowing why things happened, accepting and learning about the journey and that recovery is about being restored to sanity in the moment of now… With the twelve steps and principles of living, sanity is possible. Even under the most extreme circumstances we can cope with life today. And if we cannot we know it is okay to ask for help…
I learned in my very early years of the power of alcohol over me and my feelings. I was very, very young when I took my first drink. And I liked it, it made me feel warm, fuzzy and accepting and quite tired. As the world spun around, there was no fear when I took that first drink. A joyful release from fearful moments, and I can remember a TV series called "no hiding place." When I was growing up, there was no hiding place, or safe place, except in the crazy days of summer where I would disappear into the countryside and make a den and hide out from dawn to dusk. The sounds of nature and no arguments and no pressures. And then drink… I was very good at home brewing and was taught very early about all the benefits of oblivion… It was not an overt recognition, it was a gentle slide into dependency on a substance, the unwitting development of addiction…
Hindsight is really useful to understand why things happen, and long after my father died, it was very apparent that he had always had a troubled life, solitary and lonely and always a drink in hand in his adult years, so much lost, never to be recovered by him. And then as he taught me, how to drink and how to cover up feelings and the desperation of trying to make it in life. A life full of fear, passed on to me. And now that fear has gone in recovery, I would like to look back and blame, and make it the fault of other people about my drinking, but I cannot, it has no real value to blame anyone or anything for what happened, simply understanding the why and how makes it possible to forgive myself and everyone for whatever part we played trying to do the best we could with what we had back in the day…
I don't know why the notion of truth and reconciliation came up this morning, other than seeing and listening to the news and the tragic stories that abound about lives cut short and lives disrupted because truth was missing, blame abounding and the root cause lost in grief and horror. Being restored to sanity on a daily basis has helped me reconcile the past, the part I played an understanding how the best of intentions could lead to the most destructive behaviour of all, self-harm and a killer malady dogging my every move before I got sober and started to see the truth and wisdom of the years…
Learning that its okay to be powerless over alcohol and also powerless over some behaviour and actions around people places and things in the past was traumatic at first, and then became an understanding within me that it was okay to admit and accept how life was and how different it is sober today. Powerlessness over the alcohol, and no need to try control and be powerful over people, places and things means that life does not need to be unmanageable. The emotional and spiritual journey, living in the moment has helped me let go the fears, the need to put on a brave face and cover up, and no need of ego to bolster myself if I were to feel inadequate in some way. Indeed I don't feel inadequate, it is okay to live in the moment, have the courage to change and learn and ask for help, have faith in the next right thing which I need do, and have the confidence to live the truth of now so I may learn from living the truth in the moment and just for today…
Truth and reconciliation: learning to grieve for the person I had become. The five stages of grief, described by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, denial, anger, frustration, depression and then acceptance are all part of learning to live a new life. Kubler Ross was instrumental in helping me learn how to cherish all that was good in my life on the way into recovery. Alcohol suppressed and kept my feelings in check, the feelings I did not like, which hurt me deeply. And without alcohol, the deep hurts then surfaced after decades of being in storage. And step two, came to believe that a power greater than me, could restore me to sanity? Yes, listening to my story told over and over again, as people shared their experience strength and hope in fellowship. Comparatively, and in a judgemental way I could see that my suffering was no different. And not more profound than anybody else. The journey into rock bottom, and the journey out of rock bottom needs to be done, with truth, love and wisdom. And it does take more than one day to find acceptance, cherish the good and let go all that was superficial and indifferent in me. Forgiveness is key in sobriety, starting with oneself and then forgiving everyone everything. Doing the best they could with what they had back in the day…
"You need to suck it up and get on with it!" You can do this, but if you do, you are not dealing with your emotional and spiritual well-being. If we do suck things up and suppress them in order to move on, we do put our feelings into storage, usually hurtful feelings and also feelings of unrequited love quite often. I prefer not to put things into storage these days, not to suck up anything which suppresses the truth of my emotions, my feelings in the moment of now. When I do this, I know that subconsciously and most often consciously these days I will find myself going over the same ground again and again. Acknowledging our feelings about a situation is good, then thinking why I'm doing what I am doing is really important because every action which follows when under pressure and against my free choice, will undermine my serenity all day long. It is better to work it out, what I can do and what I cannot do and keep on learning the wisdom to know the difference. And yes, sometimes I guess I do suck it up and get on with it, because I know by the end of the day, the twelve step principles, and especially step ten, the spot check personal inventory will help me find the truth and reconcile my feelings today. I don't need a hiding place, I need fellowship, and then truth, love and wisdom will come my way, moment by moment and … gratitude is all part of the equation, just for today…
Alcoholics Anonymous | February 18 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" | Today's AA daily: "I'm not different." And yet inside I considered myself very special and different because I was not like you, the real alcoholic. Looking back, in my early days I didn't want to be like them and I sat in meetings judging other people as they shared their experience, strength and hope of their recovery… I knew I could see why they were alcoholics, and I had yet to admit and accept I was really an alcoholic and so similar to everyone else…
Even now if I don't remind myself that I need to listen to the similarities and not differences when I'm in meetings, I can easily start to judge and think badly about those sharing and equally badly about me not being good enough even as an alcoholic. If I do listen to the similarities and the solutions I start to feel right, as my emotions settle and I can listen to the wisdom being shared. If I feel right, I start to think right and so my actions tend to be focused in the solution rather than judging the problem, and the problem is usually me…
Our societies are not equal because of history and because? It doesn't matter when it comes to recovery, we have the similarity, a desire to be sober one day at a time and work together in unity service and recovery. As we remind ourselves that we are a "Fellowship" and a society of equals, each with our part to play, there is no exclusion by those who understand the real gift of Fellowship and included we all keep sober one day at a time…
It is a beautiful Sunday morning here in London UK, it has been a difficult week with many challenges. Initiating routine medical tests for type I diabetes which includes blood tests, eye tests etc., following up on dental requirements and dealing with the effects of a flu jab. Who would've thought a flu jab would impact so detrimentally I could not function for a few days… But this morning, a blue sky and sunshine, being able to eat food and feel simply okay makes all the difference, and with a meeting I will become closer to being restored to sanity on a daily basis…
DonInLondon 2005-2011
I cannot consider myself “different” in A.A.; if I do I isolate myself from others and from contact with my Higher Power. If I feel isolated in A.A., it is not something for which others are responsible. It is something I’ve created by feeling I’m “different” in some way.
Today two meetings, "Just For Today" this morning all about what is on our minds today. A lot of happiness, a lot of grief all wrapped up together inside each of us. Life is no longer one dimension, so many elements to evoke joy and sadness in every moment, no wonder we get confused!
And tonight, "Courage To Change" where I meet friends from early days, including the chair. Always enjoy sitting with friends and listening, seems we change regardless in recovery, the steps our toolkit, leaning on fellowship and learning gradually that the action is always in the now and we are very human humans...
We are not special and different, we are unique and authentic in our journey ~ John F. Kennedy "When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses." Diversity is spiritual, another one of life's rocks..
Fellowship all about the similarities and not the differences ~ Hillary Clinton "What we have to do... is to find a way to celebrate our diversity and debate our differences without fracturing our communities." -/- From the boardroom to the gutter, it did not take me long to get there…
We need respect others and their peaceful living ~ Malcolm Forbes "Diversity: the art of thinking independently together." I can say yes to what is good for me, and with courage say no to that which hinders or is not my path today...
Compare and despair, a key to insanity ~ Edward T. Hall "How man evolved with such an incredible reservoir of talent and such fantastic diversity isn't completely understood... he knows so little and has nothing to measure himself against." Value our outlook, let go what hinders, let in good which works and develop our authenticity...
Courage to be ourselves in our similarities and human endeavour ~ Maya Angelou "It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength." Acceptance of life today, people places things and the choices we have are ours to explore …
Ernest Istook ~ "My father was the son of immigrants, and he grew up bilingual, but English is what my father taught me and what he spoke to me. America's strength is not our diversity; it is our ability to unite around common principles even when we come from different backgrounds."
AA Daily Reflection: I'M NOT DIFFERENT ~ FEBRUARY 19, In the beginning, it was four whole years before A.A. brought permanent sobriety to even one alcoholic woman. Like the “high bottoms,” the women said they were different; . . . The Skid-Rower said he was different . . . so did the artists and the professional people, the rich, the poor, the religious, the agnostic, the Indians and the Eskimos, the veterans, and the prisoners. . . . Nowadays all of these, and legions more, soberly talk about how very much alike all of us alcoholics are when we admit that the chips are finally down. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 24
I cannot consider myself “different” in A.A.; if I do I isolate myself from others and from contact with my Higher Power. If I feel isolated in A.A., it is not something for which others are responsible. It is something I’ve created by feeling I’m “different” in some way. Today I practice being just another alcoholic in the worldwide Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.
"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"
Step Two Video 12 And 12
Step One Video 12 & 12
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 1 | Bill's Story |
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 2 | There Is A Solution |
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 3 | More About Alcoholism |
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 4 | We Agnostics |
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 5 | How It Works |
Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,
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